First, love thyself

What would it feel like to love yourself the way Jesus loves you?

The Pharisees were scared of Jesus. He was an inconvenience, a contrarian, a provocateur, a rabble-rouser. At worst, a blasphemer. His teachings were problematic, to put it mildly, and they saw the rapid growth of his following as a threat to their authority.

And so, steeped as they were in the law of Moses, the Pharisees sought to trap Jesus in his own words.

“What is the most important commandment?” they asked him.

It was the biblical version of a “gotcha” question. They hoped he would choose one interpretation of the law over another, and thus pigeonhole himself, or emphasize one commandment and thus diminish others, which they could use against him.

Instead, Jesus cut through the commandments and revealed the very heart of them, simultaneously evading their trap while capturing the essence of everything God has endeavored to teach us through his word: Love.

Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:37-40

The two most important commandments, according to Jesus, are to love God with all your heart and soul and mind, and to love your neighbor as you love yourself.

“Love your neighbor” tends to get the most attention, but Jesus clearly says to not just love your neighbor, but love them as you love yourself.

Which implies: Love yourself.

Which begs the question: Do you love yourself?

How might I love myself, when I am such a wretch, such a lush, such a sinner? How can one such as this truly love God, let alone neighbors, let alone myself?

Most of the best people I know are much harder on themselves than they are on others, and they are far more loving to others than they are to themselves. This is not the love of Jesus.

Jesus, of course, is our model for knowing how to love. Look at how Jesus loved people, and try to love each other like that. Try to love yourself like that.

What would it mean to love yourself like Jesus loves you?

Imagine loving yourself without condition, like a parent loves their child. This is the kind of love that absorbs transgressions, that hears hurtful words, that feels the wounds of conflict, and persists nonetheless. The kind of love that overcomes all fear and all judgement and just keeps loving. The kind of love that extends forgiveness and grace and mercy to everyone, by default.

Whatever they might do, however they might hurt you, love them anyway.

This is how Jesus loves you. This is how you must love yourself.

Compassion, understanding, forgiveness. Jesus calls for us to give these gifts to those who have neither earned them nor asked for them. Give these gifts freely.

Give these gifts to yourself. Compassion, understanding, forgiveness. Love yourself like Jesus loves you.

Only then, when you learn to love yourself like Jesus loves you, can you truly love your neighbor. Only then can you truly begin to love your enemy.

Yes, love your enemy like Jesus loves them.

Love the driver who cuts you off in traffic. Love the activist whose views contradict your views. Love the churchgoer who doesn’t seem to get it in the way that you do. Love them like Jesus loves them.

Compassion, understanding, forgiveness.

Love people whose morals seem opposed to yours. Love even those who commit evil deeds. Love them like Jesus loves them.

This is counterintuitive love, which is why it helps to have the model of Jesus to follow. Love like Jesus, and start by loving yourself like he loves you.